The New Year

So long two thousand and thirteen...

I feel like it's cliche so say that 2013 was a roller coaster, with its ups, downs, twists and turns, but that's just me. The year got off to a rough start for me, but I have so much to be thankful for. A lot has changed since the first of the year. Some things changed drastically, and the changes came so suddenly it was like a a lightning flash. It's there and then it's gone in the blink of an eye.
There were some things that changed for the better, and I have so much to thank the Lord for. I could go on and on of all of the things I'm thankful for, but I'd just like to say this--January 1st, 2013, I never, in my wildest foolish dreams that I had back then, would have thought I would be sitting here writing this, saying how thankful I am for the changes that have been made in me. I've changed a lot in the past year. I've grown a lot. It took a huge awakening for the change to come, but so much good has happened since then. And when something happens, when a person is experiencing struggles like I have, they never imagine that good will come out of it. The emotions they experience are kind of just in the moment emotions, I guess. They're only focused on what's happening right then and there and how crappy those events are. They're not thinking about something good coming out of it. There isn't a ray of hope shining sometimes, but I was lucky enough to have Hope--in Christ alone my hope is found.
God has given me so much good in my life. So many things have changed to show how far I've come since this time last year. There are some things that I never would've thought would happen over the course of 2013, but I'm glad they happened. Most people say that out of struggles good things come, and I can tell you that it's true. In the moment of the crap happening, whatever it is (for me it was losing a loved one), you're not thinking about good coming out of it, but good does. It's hard at first, but then you start moving again and you see the good that's happening. I had some great struggles, but so much good as come out of those struggles. God used what happened as a wake up call to return to Him, and that I did. Now I'm looking forward to another year of pursuing Him.
This time last year I only had a few friends but now I've become more involved at church and I've gotten many more friends, some really great friends, and I'm really thankful to have them there for me. 
2013 had so much good come out of it, but all of these good things God has done for me aren't all that happened. 
-I read through the Bible. I started late in January so I probably accidentally skipped some but I can't remember what I may or may not have skipped. I know I read into Genesis, but I can't remember where I technically started, but I know I ended in Revelation! On New Year's Eve I finished my read through, and today I started again using the new Bible I got for Christmas. Last year I followed a schedule to get through it in a year, but I think this year I might just read through it at my own pace. I didn't mind being on a schedule, but it was in chronological order and I didn't really like how it bounced around. Sure, it was in chronological order, but I think I would've rather have preferred reading John around the time I read Matthew, Mark and Luke instead of waiting a week or so to read John. 
-I finished writing two novels, even if one is a monster in length and the other is crap and they both need to be either edited or rewritten, and then I started working on the third novel. They're all apart of the trilogy, and I'm hoping to finish it soon so I can go back and work on making the changes that need to be made.
-I made some great amazing friends and spent quite a bit of time with them. 
-I started listening to Christian music more, and I enjoy it more than the secular stuff I used to listen to and sometimes I get so bored of the secular music that I don't want to listen to anything other than Christian music.
-Piano! After years of wanting to take piano, I finally started taking lessons in September. It seems like it's going well, too. 
-I went to Niagara Falls and Canada. I'm not going to post the details of the trip here, but my brother and I went to Canada. 
I could go on with this, but to be honest I'm getting bored with trying to remember all of the new things in this past year, so I'm going to go on to what I'm hoping to do with 2014. Mind you, just because I'm posting it on the internet doesn't mean that I'll actually get around to it. I might procrastinate until next year.
-Write in a prayer journal at least once a day. Between Christmas and the Canada trip, I bought three journals and was gifted a few others, for a total of nine journals acquired in two weeks. So I need something to do with those journals, and my friend suggested a prayer journal, which is a great idea because that's something I enjoy.
-Read more. I may be a writer, but when I have some spare time, I would rather sit at my desk and write rather than take the time to read. I have a lot of books that need to be read, so hopefully this year I can actually read through them.
-Finish the third novel in my trilogy. It still has a long way to go, but I should be able to reach "the end" before next year.
-Graduate highschool, go to prom, start my college adventure. That pretty much says it all right there!
I think that's about it. I don't want to overwhelm myself with things I'll never get around to. I don't know what 2014 has in store for me, but I'm excited to find out!
And on one last note, I thank God for everything He's done for me in the past year. The way I see it, you can be broken, but He comes in and fixes those broken places so that His light can shine through the cracks. We're here to be lights in the world for God's glory, and if it means being a little bit broken, and still beautiful at the broken places when His light shines through, I'm okay with that. 

...so hello two thousand and fourteen!

9/15/13

I had a fantastic evening tonight. I wasn't going to write up a blog post about it tonight because I want to write, but I'm still thinking about it and it's kind of right in the moment so I figured I should write a blog post tonight or else I fear I won't have the words to say tomorrow.

Anyway, I got baptized tonight. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I had been looking forward to this since summer camp ended in July, and today finally came and it was fantastic. My family was there (my three brothers, two sister in laws and my nephews and my dad) and some great friends were there as well.

I'll admit, I was nervous and kind of freaking out so badly my hands were shaking, but it might've been because I had cried a bit on the way there, thinking about my mom. But that's okay, that's normal. I was actually surprised that I wasn't crying when I got in the pool they set up in the church courtyard, but that's okay too.

After the service, I hung around for quite a while with friends and family and there were lots of hugs and congratulations and cookies...okay, I only had two cookies and they were delicious, as always. But after everyone had gone, I heard some wonderful words that I needed to hear. It's amazing how God knows your heart and knows what you need and when you need it, and tonight, I needed to hear those things that had been said.

God is amazing and wonderful and I'm so glad I had such a wonderful opportunity to profess my faith in Christ Jesus surrounded by so many wonderful people. God has been good to me and He was there waiting for me when I came back to Him earlier this year. He caught me with His loving embrace when past events crushed my heart and I fell, and I don't know where I'd be without Him. The baptism service may be over, but I put my faith in God every day.

So, I guess I'm just going to leave it at this. I've been baptized, declaring my faith and obedience to the church, but it doesn't stop there. I hope to continue serving God in my life, and I pray that He shows me how I can continue to serve Him, whether it's in big or small ways. He sent His only son to die for my sins, and I want to show the world what He's done for me, whether the world means somewhere far away or simply around the church. I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually, with God's help.

Summer Vanished and September Crept It's Way In

Where did summer go? It doesn't seem long ago that it was summer and I was having a pretty lame one but then summer camp came along and then August Sunday nights at church and a few Wednesday nights hanging out with church friends. But then it was over as quickly as it had begun and now it's September. How did this happen? It seems like I didn't do half the things I wanted to do, but that doesn't matter to me anymore. The surprises were far better than my hopes. I mean, seriously, I went to summer camp and came home with more friends than I had had when I left. I wrote (another) book. I became more involved with church. Those are much better things than the ones I had planned.

But September is here, tomorrow's Labor Day and Tuesday I not only start school, but I have my very first piano lesson too. Hopefully it'll go well. I remember writing a blog post on my other blog about how I had eight days until school starts, but now I only have two. I had twenty days until baptism, but now I only have fifteen. Truth be told, I'm more excited about that than school. There's a lot left to do in only one year of high school and I thought it would be nice to wake up early, be more structured and finish school earlier than I do now, but it's still nice to stay up reasonably late without having to wake up early. Which is why I plan on staying up late tonight because I'll be able to sleep in tomorrow.

Senior year starts on Tuesday. When I started high school, a fourteen year old ninth grader that had no clue of what she was doing with herself, I thought I had time. But then January hit me like running into a wall straight on and I realized I had wasted all of the time I never really had in the first place. I wasted it. Now there's no getting it back. So it's senior year and I plan to make the most of it, but in a totally good way. Getting more involved with church, working my butt of to graduate in 2014, getting more involved in youth group, hopefully maybe even write another novel, and learning piano and guitar. I honestly don't know what's in store for me, but we're all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?
Oops, that was a Doctor Who quote, but it works. But maybe it's a better thing to use for senior year than quoting Loki saying "I do what I want."

"Broken Hallelujah"

You know the things that have brought me here

You know the story of every tear

'cause You've been here from the very start

and even though i don't know what Your plan is

i know You make beauty from these ashes

i've seen joy and i've seen pain

and on my knees i call Your name

here's my broken hallelujah

with nothing left to hold on to

i raise these empty hands to You

here's my broken hallelujah 

--broken hallelujah, the afters

Sometimes when I'm going through something, I try to find some Christian music to listen to because that always cheers me up. I wanted to share it, but I had trouble deciding between a few songs. But when things get tough and I remember this song, I always fall back on Broken Hallelujah by The Afters. But that's not why I'm writing this up.

Our days on this earth are numbered and only God knows exactly how much time we have to spend here. We don't know how long we have, or how long someone we love has. We'll never know how much time we'll have to tell someone we love them, but sometimes we think we have all the time in the world, and then, one day, they're gone. Just like that, they're gone. It's unexpected. We never saw it coming, and everything was normal, until suddenly, they're gone.

And then other times, someone we love has an illness, something that can't be treated. And we know there's a day coming when they won't be here any more. Time is running out and there's nothing that can be done to stop it, no way to go back and change it. You just have to keep going forward, not trying to think about it.

But it doesn't have to be like that. There's no reason to pretend to be happy even in these trials, because there is hope, and that hope is God. He sent His son to die on the cross for our sins, so if we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior, we can see our loved ones again in heaven, and that's the greatest hope we have. My mom's parents passed away some time before I was born, and she always told me that she was at peace with it, because she said there's no sadness in heaven, so her parents don't miss her. Saying it like that might make it sound even worse, but they're not sad that they were separated. They're in heaven, worshiping God and being happy. They don't have to put up with the sorrows and pains of this world.

It's a hard concept to grasp, not missing someone because they're in heaven not missing you. I still miss my mom. I think about her and cry because I miss her. She isn't here, she's in heaven where she isn't in pain anymore. She's overjoyed and ecstatic. She doesn't have to put up with the things she put up with here. She doesn't have the limitations that she had here. She's happy.

And the most wonderful thing about heaven is, that, if we've accepted Jesus Christ as our Savior, we'll go to heaven and have eternal life, and the loved ones we lost here and had to try to find a way to live without--well, we'll see them again. That hope is the best hope that there is. The people we lose here will be waiting for us in heaven.

God truly is the greatest hope, because He sent His son to die on the cross for our sins, and without Jesus Christ in our hearts, we wouldn't be able to have the hope of seeing our loved ones in heaven again. And for me, that's the greatest thing, seeing them again.

The Little Things

It's the little things that matter. Like when someone smiles at you with one of those big smiles that makes you feel like you're old friends or they're excited to see you, even if you haven't talked in a while. It's moments like that, that can cheer you up when you're having a tough time with whatever you're going through, and those little moments can cheer you up and put a smile on your face when you otherwise wouldn't be smiling, those are really special things that are easily overlooked. I actually had one of those moments this morning.

I lost someone I was really close to earlier this year. She was my best friend and we did everything together. She was really cool and encouraged me in whatever I was struggling with and she was interested in and enjoyed all of the stuff I was interested in. I'm talking about my mom. I miss her, a lot. But I think about her a lot, and I think about all of those little moments we shared. I think about all of our inside jokes and the nicknames we had for characters in our favorite TV shows (that I think she came up with most of them, which makes the nicknames even better).

I think about all of the things we did together and how we would travel to the homeschool conventions with the art curriculum company she worked for and how I didn't enjoy them as much as I should have. She enjoyed them because she had a passion for art, but also because they were the only "vacation" we could get at the time and it was however many days of an adventure that we were able to have together.

I think often about how, if I was discouraged over something, my mom would go and find Bible verses for me to encourage me. I didn't really think much of it at the time, but now one of my favorite verses is one of the ones she found and gave to me to encourage me, and it's my favorite because she read it and thought of me. But now no one does that, and I miss that. And I love that about her.

And it's these little moments that we don't really think about much when they happen, these little moments that we don't cherish, but then something bad happens, something like this, and we look back and regret that we didn't appreciate them more. I know I do. Those homeschool conventions I mentioned? I had a bad attitude about them. But she loved them. And I was stupid, not realizing that it was the only vacation I would've gotten. And I went to so many places that I wouldn't have gone to otherwise. I did that all with my mom, and that's all that really matters.

Sometimes, of course, the little things aren't as happy of thoughts as thinking about how much fun we had with our favorite TV show characters or how much fun time we spent together. It's been hitting me a lot lately that she...she isn't here. You're probably thinking duh but she isn't here, she isn't going to see me get baptized in September, she isn't going to see me graduate high school, she isn't going to help me move in for my first day of college, she isn't going to read the books I've written. And the worst thing I ever did with my writing was keeping it to myself and not sharing it with her.

Now, as things are hard and getting harder, continuously getting harder and never easier, the greatest comfort I have is knowing that she's in heaven, and by the blood of Jesus Christ I'll be able to see her again. And that's truly the most beautiful thought I can have. She may be gone, but this pain and this loss is only temporary, because someday I'll be with her again.

Honestly it wasn't supposed to end up being such a sad post, and I could go on and on and on and probably keep going until it's time for me to leave for church, but this was hard to write and I almost want to delete it. I pretty much poured my heart out and that can be either good or bad, but I spent this much time writing this, I might as well let someone read it.

New Projects

Wow, I'm actually writing up another blog post. Usually there's a gap between blog posts that can go anywhere from a few months to a few weeks, but here I am with a new blog post a day after posting the last one.
Woohoo!

Anyway, besides taking on another novel in the near future, I have two other creative projects that I'm going to work on. The first is called The Sketchbook Project. That's a link to the website to find information in better words, but to put it simply, you get a sketchbook from them, fill it up, and send it back and not only will it be a permanent edition to The Brooklyn Art Library, but it will also go on a three city tour of the United States. I'm not a very artistic person when it comes to drawing (unless stick people and Christmas trees count) but I'm going to try my hand at it. It'll be interesting.

The next project is something I thought about on my way to homeschool classes this morning. This week was "technically" the first day of school (even though I'm not starting "officially" until September 3rd because that's when my mom always had me start), so I had this brilliant idea of keeping a log of every school day. But it'll be in the form of  mywritingbuddiesecnouragedthisandthoughtitwasbrilliantAprisonloGmydadgavemepermissionandsaiditwasn'tabadidea. Not that school is like that. I actually really do enjoy school. Except for algebra. Geometry isn't too bad, but probably because I'm doing it wrong. Science isn't so bad. Go marine biology! It's just that the thought seemed kind of funny. So it's really not that brilliant. BUT it'll be a fun way of keeping track of everything that happens between now and May 2014. After all, it is Senior Year, so I might as well have fun and have something to do that doesn't involve stressing out about graduating and SATs and ACTs and blah blah blah.

So, I'll be starting a new blog for that project and you can expect it to be rather...interesting in a boring kind of way. I'm sure there aren't very many people who actually want to read about my boring school days, but I'm going to do it anyway because it'll be fun. For me. It'll probably end up being very sarcastic with a lot of references to my favorite TV shows and movies and books, or maybe it'll just end up being a few paragraphs about how my school subjects went and what I had for lunch. You never know.

The "What Next?" Of Writing

I finally finished The Prince and The Lionheart, the second novel in my trilogy. This novel was very problematic and it's going to take a lot of work when I finally get around to editing, but writing a book isn't supposed to be easy. The book was finished at 210 pages with 132,262 words and seventeen chapters, which isn't anywhere near the length of the first one when I finished it, but that's okay. It gives me more room to fix everything and not have to worry about it being too long, because the first book in the trilogy, The Daughter of Robin Hood, is turning into a monster with all of the editing that needs to be done.

---

Before I go on, let me tell you what these two books are about. It starts with the first one, The Daughter of Robin Hood. The title may say it all, but it's about Lenora Hood, but she's known as Lee by her close friends and family. She ran away from her father when she was sixteen. She formed her own band of thieves and three years later, she's nineteen and tired of running, but before she goes into a permanent hiding, she tells her band of thieves that she wants to pull off one last heist. She wants to steal the prince's fortune. But not just any prince, Prince Nikola of Hoods Windsor.
When Robin Hood and his Merry Men succeeded in overthrowing the Sheriff of Nottingham, Richard the Lionhearted returned and to prevent the crimes of the Sheriff ever happening again, they formed twelve new kingdoms to ease taxes and make it fairer for the people. Hoods Windsor was named after Robin Hood himself, and Locksley rests at it's borders. Lee thinks that if she can steal Prince Nikola's fortune, it will prove to everyone that she's greater than her father, because she not only stole from the place she had come from, but because she had done something he never would have done.
However, things don't go according to plan. Not only is her father there, but she ends up falling in love with the prince, something she promised she wouldn't do. She needs to decide whether she wants to continue being the wanted thief or if she wants to be the good guy from now on and do the right thing for once.

By explaining the next book, I'm probably going to give away the ending of The Daughter of Robin Hood. Oops.
The Prince and The Lionheart follows Lee and her band of thieves, but she's made amends with her father and he's brought his Merry Men into the mix too. Besides that, Nikola denounced his crown and ran off with them. They're outlaws now, and they need to figure out how to stop King Matthew, Nikola's father, from being a tyrant. They discover that the kingdoms are splitting and people are taking sides, but they're not sure why. They also discover that Nikola's eight year old brother is being abused so Lee sends him, one of her thieves and Nikola's best friend off to Hoods Windsor to save them. Getting his little brother out of the castle isn't as easy as he thought it would be, because of this guy named Crevan Delaney. He's the Sheriff of Nottingham's son and he has it it out for Lee because he's seeking revenge for his late father.
As for Lee, Robin, her band of thieves and the Merry Men, King Leon, Richard the Lionhearted's son, invites them to join a council that's trying to figure out just the same things as Lee: how to stop the tyranny and save the people. It's a council of kings and thieves. Lee quickly realizes that no one trusts her and her thieves because of their bad reputations, so she decides to take action against this and vanish so they can operate quietly and earn everyone's trust.

After typing that out, I can't tell whether that paragraph is shorter because the book is shorter or if there just isn't as much to say about this novel. Huh.

---

Just like the first one, I reached the last line and saved the document and felt like it wasn't quite finished yet, but there was nothing left to write. The ending wasn't emotional enough and the timeline needs fixed, among other things that need fixed, but that was left for another day because I was so excited. And then I was wondering, "what now?" There was nothing left to write in The Prince and The Lionheart. No more scenes, no more chapters, no more information that the reader needs to know. There's just one unrelated scene that I want to write for my own pleasure, and it has no place in the novel. But after I write that little scene? I could go back to editing the first book, but I'm a little stuck and I'm making it longer than it needs to be and I don't have very much confidence in that book. I could edit book two, but after I just finished that pain in the neck of a book, I want to take a break from Lee's world.

My plan is to hopefully write a modern day novel called The Faultless Stars. I almost wrote this novel for Camp NaNoWriMo in July (50,000 words in 31 days), but I had already started The Prince and The Lionheart and didn't want to stop. The Faultless Stars (or code name, Space: The Final Frontier) was something that happened when I was hanging out with my friend and just randomly said "it would be cool to write a novel like Doctor Who about the wonder of the universe except it would be hard to keep it from being too much like Doctor Who." So it resulted in a Pinterest board called Space: The Final Frontier (the pinterest board), and it was just a collection of pictures concerning space.
Was. It was.
It became an idea with a real title. The main character is Corrie Parvin. She had a crappy high school experience. Her parents are millionaires with a million dollar business, so Corrie was Miss Popular in high school and was more concerned about popularity and friends and appearances. It didn't help that her parents were more concerned about their business and crumbling relationship than their daughter. Corrie thought she needed the attention, but her parents started fighting and Corrie was losing friends and fast. When she graduated, her parents split up and gave her the choice between staying in Chicago or going to L.A., but Corrie ran off to NYC instead. She met some good friends there and become a Christian. It was a completely fresh start for her.
A few years later, and she's lost her best friend because he made a mistake. it's Christmastime and she's alone once again, but then she meets this guy. To everyone else he's a crazed man that belongs in a mental hospital, but to Corrie, he's the escape she needs. Everyone he's met in New York City calls him The Star Man, and he doesn't know what else to call himself so he takes up the nickname, but Corrie decides he looks more like a Finn. He tells her all of these stories of how he traveled space and went farther than anyone ever should have, and also how he left who he used to be out there. Corrie wants to get away so she doesn't have to be alone, so they go to outer space to find what Finn left behind in the stars.
But it is't even about them. I thought their story was about the stars, but in the end, it isn't really that either. I'm drawn to this novel because it's finally something that heavily involves Christianity and God. Corrie relies heavily on her faith in God and she knows she would be a train wreck without Him. It makes me really happy to finally bring that into my writing. I'm excited to start writing this. It's waited long enough.

p.s. in case you're wondering, the third book in the trilogy is going to be called The Sins of Their Fathers and I plan on writing it in November for Nation Novel Writing Month (50,000 words in 30 days) so my goal is to hopefully start and finish The Faultless Stars by then.